Thursday, April 27, 2017

You Just Lost One



🌼Simple ways to lose me🌼

These are just common sense but some fellas have lost me this way. Here's some examples:

Don't let me breathe​, be jealous for no reason or clingy.  I have a life and a schedule I'll still have one. Just more time for you to join in.

Please don't expect me to drop everything I do that makes me happy for you. I wouldn't ask the same of you. I'm a free spirit you knew this going in!

Try to claim me when haven't even established ground rules for a relationship.  Following my every word, stalking my posts. But wait youre doing that with every other woman too. You want me to think I'm special Nah. I think you're creepy!

That goes along with cock blocking.
Ok so youre stalking me making people think we're together and we aren't even dating? GTFO!! Lie to me and you're done! Cya!

So you wanna be 'exclusive' but you want it on the down low...No one knowing no status change no interaction in public. Do I Iook like an idiot to you? I'm not your put on reserve chick for when you're in the mood. #boybye
Tell me you're serious but youre still playing the field. I'll see your lips moving but believe me..nothing will get through to my heart after that.
Don't defend me or protect me when I am attacked be it verbally emotionally and definitely physically  Don't communicate: you're unreliable and inconsistent or lacking in integrity....Eww gag gross!

Only need me when YOU need me... umm No.

If you're spiteful or arrogant....I won't walk I'll run!! Be hurtful and then shift the blame on me for overreacting( or what they call gaslighting now)

Not loyal..Need I say more?

Ignore, I mean will fully ignore me to upset me and forget your name and number like you even existed! --------------------------- Any more deal breakers for you to add?

#selfesteem #boundaries #no #stalker #posessive #letmebreathe #idontcompleteyou #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #limits #selfworth #dontsettle

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Epic Fail


Ever had an EPIC fail? One person I follow on Instagram made a post about a beautiful picture that was actually a fail in his eyes. It had me thinking about what was my Epic Fail pic!


This photo was my epic fail. I captured it with my brand spanking new camera I knew next to nothing about settings or grain, ISO or let alone aperture *gasp* I shot everything in manual ....with minor adjustments for lighting and distance.
 I loved this photo and so did most people, except perhaps those who could see that it's too grainy and I probably didn't know my settings.... One day out of nowhere, I got an email from a company ..... They loved my work and asked me to join an art collective(a legit one)...This was included in my body of work... my disorganized portfolio at the time because I was a hobbyist.
This EPIC fail of a photo... Gave me the confidence to become a Photographer. .. and though it would take me a few more years to take MYSELF seriously...I finally did.
I affectionately called this impressionist photography because...To me it looked like a painting.... Later on people have told me that some of my photos look like paintings. That is how I see especially my nature photography and it's how I frame my photos in my mind before capturing them.
So now you know why I call myself a Photographic Artist. It was that one vote of confidence that reminded me that even an Epic Fail can have some merit.
An Epic Fail can show your potential even if it's embarrassing
An Epic fail can help you to grow
An Epic fail can help you to be a better person
An Epic fail can change you life...For better or worse.
Make mistakes , laugh at yourself, but don't your ever stop until you get it right👍

This is my Epic Fail my Autumn Blues. This will always be favourite picture I've ever taken❤ my #epicfail #photography #lessons #confidence #dontquit #notafail #lessonlearned #believe #myfavouritepic #notdoneyet #photographicartist #smile

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

1 Year Ago

...May find this triggering... Skip past if needed ❤


This was me exactly 1 year ago!
I have something important to say... I decided not to share the original post on my Facebook  because it was filled with well intentioned congratulations on my weight loss. You know I am body positive right??? So that doesn't sit well with me as well meaning as they were.

I'll explain.... I took this photo at my friend's house near High Park. A big beautiful park in Toronto.. I took some lovely nature photos later on that day.
Yes I am 60 pounds less here and perhaps 10 pounds lighter than that now I don't own a scale cause I don't care about the numbers like I did all my life... BUT may I remind you.....I am still the SAME person I am no more healthier....(Especially presently I'm sick ) I am no more happier because of my change in size.. I was always a happy FAT chick!!!! 👍My outside doesn't define me it does however change how I am perceived which saddens me..... I wish people would stop judging, blaming and shaming and then applauding people or telling them they look BETTER after becoming smaller.

Here's why ... it perpetuates the myth that fat is ugly. Fat isint ugly skinny isint ugly. Being healthy is ok sure. Healthy​ and skinny isint always automatic... same as fat and unhealthy. I've been fat all my life.. Ive been healthy most my life too. I changed what I ate only to treat my Psoriasis and gut issues the weight loss was just a side effect and my battle with autoimmune disease is ongoing.
I had already accepted myself long ago and was totally in love with who I am.
Dont ever stop loving who you are because of what people tell you... You are beautiful and worthy of self acceptance. ❤XoXo
On that note and I miss my booty!!!!! LOL
 Love y'all 💖 #bopo #iamsizebeautiilful #bodypositive #beautifulatanysize #imstillme  #bodyconfidence #iDefineMe

Monday, April 17, 2017

Fake Concern

This is a huge topic I'll probably address in my blog www.cammydoll.blogspot.com in the near future.
We the people do NOT need your FAKE concern
About
Our health
Our weight
Our choices
Because when it comes down to it

You don't really care!
Oh no you don't...For you see

Youre not checking on your 'fat friends
Youre not visiting the depressed
You're not feeding the homeless
You're still calling people crazy
You're disowning friends and family
You're not saying no to viral hate and violence
You're not asking the cutter to come out for lunch

You just want to hear yourself
You want to feel powerful
By rendering others powerless
By degrading
Dominating
Disrespecting
Tying to make yourself feel Superior
Because it is you who is a prisoner to society''s standards
You are the slave
You are controlled
It is you who's
insecure
Weak
Scared
Broken

So instead of building a bridge of hope you seek others to join in your gang of trolling hate
Under the bridge of your own insecurity
When you should be helping and healing yourself first and others

So this is your wake up call
Because we won't take your
Fake Concern
We will
Block
Protest
Ignore
.and even say thank you!
Because we will fight even harder
To spread love hope and definitely not
Fake Concern!

#bopo #bodypositive #bodyconfidence #werenitdoneyet #effyourbeautystandards #bigandblunt #beautyinallsizes #beautyisskindeep


Sunday, April 16, 2017

Monster



For those who say oh I have had bad skin or I didnt know Psoriasis was painful isint it just bad skin?
Lend me your ears and ill take you into my world. When I was in hiding and 90% covered and suicidal.
I am so thankful I am free from ...this Monster. (In remission) I'll never be free of the memories. This is for those who suffer in silence. I wont forget you!

This Monster (Psoriasis)
At night awake to quakes
No one's there
I feel something in the air
overtaking me

Not again this will go away
my mantra gets weaker day by day
This wasn't meant for me
Chipping away at my dignity

Tortured awake by muscle aches
unexplained I blame it on age
How can this be
Im no longer me

Suddenly transformed
Unrecognizable reflection
not dead yet buried in my own skin
my room is my resting place

Out of body I witness my own demise
before my eyes
I am no longer here
a mere shell appears

Eyes lose their light
my smile has stage fright
ligaments become encased
memory fragments threatening to be erased

Drifting barely existing
dead yet breathing

Calling reaching crying
digging pulling
flesh falling

Each follicle is alive and livid
it takes its revenge on me
maddening I feel each one has a name
my claws start digging to pull these monsters out

One by one why cant I pass out
mind slips away with no end in sight
visions of sharp objects
I now must fight

Bloddied sheets mixed with turmeric and neem
this is a crime scene
no cameras no witnesses
no justice no mercy
pain so intense
hell fire has been sent

My body screams in earth shattering silence
jumping as if struck by lightening
pulling till my face is not a face
eyebrows erased
years gained overnight
will I have the might

Once perfect skin
now a parched desert land
unforgiving
yet Im still living

What cannot be seen
is internal desolation
painful isolation
a merciless defeat
I stopped believing it could be beat

Bathed in bleach lemon and salty sea
close my eyes
drifts off to oceans free
for some form of relief

I must rise and face reality
of a life under constant attack
unarmed no battle plan
is there any getting back
to what once was me

My sweet viscous lover
a medicated sleep
constantly passing out
passing out mid sentence
while dressing
while barely existing..

Forgetting how to eat
limbs weaker
limping bloodied
stumbling fumbling
everywhere on everything

Like a newborn babe
without the comfort of a mothers touch
without...
compassion
adoration
smiles
acceptance

Nothing but deafening silence with scars on these thinning walls.

This is My Monster


Thursday, April 06, 2017

You Don't Have To Take Your Clothes Off

Why are people taking off their clothes what's going on.. Do I have to do that too???
Clothes are coming off for a number of reasons. Fat isint ugly. it's ok to have flaws. The world is full of real people and real people need to be represented. Relatability and knowing you are ok. All bodies are beautiful no matter their size. People are being shamed and that needs to stop. fat doesn't automatically mean unhealthy. Fat people can be happy with themselves.
Second question. Short answer is no,  dont ever do anything that you aren't comfortable doing. You don't have to take your clothes off to make a statement or to be a part of the body positive movement and for some of you that isint even an option. It's not about shedding clothes it's about combating the negative messages were fed daily. We told we are broken and need to be fixed in order to be acceptable, loved attractive, or even hired. Everyone has different ways of getting their message across be it through words, sharing articles, drawing, writing art, dance, photography and by countless other means. Do not feel left out your voice is valid and allies are more than  welcome. You can make an impact right where you are. Sometimes radical measures make for huge changes in society.  Read as much as you can plenty of Bopo Ed warriors on Instagram Twitter Facebook Tumbler YouTube.  #bopo #bodypositive #intersectional #feminism #bodyconfidence #bodyposi #sizacceptance

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Freedom


Im free
No listen!
there may be chains that bind me
but I am

Free
Ive made a decision 
to fly
 in the dark
in my tears
my fears
my doubts
my trembling
my hurt
my rejection
In all my seasons 
I will never cease
to find joy
I'll fly

Free
when the rain pours down
from this here crown
ebbing to my toes
dripping off this thick nose
naked and shivering 
like a babe Im posed
In the darkest night
I will take flight and be

 Free
dreams of romance I lay
barefoot on the grass
watching swans do their dance
tears fall reminiscing of that chance
tracing clouds with my fingertips
inhaling moments of eternal bliss
 till I shake

 Free
of these scars
within these walls
I stumble and fall
fear evokes me 
eager to choke me
 encircle and poke me till I break

Free
For its the mind that binds
though my soul years to unwind
by still waters I find
calming shores I yearn to breathe

Free
of shackles I find in 
this prison of mind
scream and shout 
no longer bind
Soul finally unwinds
Im set

Free








When You Have a Mission




When you have a mission you may get sidetracked
distracted
 throw off
but no matter whats thrown at you, you will ache inside until you get back to that mission... the reason why you breathe
I spent many years putting my dreams aside to do the
Practical
Logical
Sensible

Push through your fears your doubts the negativity the rejection the years... Some of us will be late bloomer, some not..
You may see those around you living their dreams and wonder when is your turn

Stay on your course, get that paper, make that sacrifice
time
money
classes
practice

You may be totally alone and mocked because your dream is 'urealistic'
But if you're meant to do this thing that aches inside of you, you will attract the right people to guide you on your journey
Seek the right company

Motivators
Groundbreakers
Gamechangers
Quiet leaders
Bold leaders

Learn from them listen ask questions research
Pray (if you pray)listen and be ready
Clear the negative out
Negative self talk negative people surroundings
Stop saying No to yourself
Get back to your mission
It's waiting for you❤

Mannequin Series my March Madness


My birthday falls in March, March 7th to be exact and I was determined to have an amazing birthday month.. there is something about declaring what you want.. be it good or bad...(thats for another post) I declared March to be March Madness.. so I added that to a few of my posts before my birthday.. Little did I know how accurate this would be.
If you know me you know I suffer from SADS or Seasonal Depression, due to lack of vitamin D from the sun and staying indoors more due to colder temperatures I become depressed.. Some years are much better than others.. it lasts from late December till February for me. Then March kicks around leading up to my birthday and I get all hyped.. it usually carries me through from Spring till end of Fall.
1 week ago was the 1st of Spring and I was ecstatic... then it happened....

My longtime friend and Photographer Julia Busato was banned from Facebook for a month, after too many haters reported some of the pictures in her Mannequin Series Album. not long after that the BBC got a hold of the story.... then the media was all over it Worldwide!! The news reports came in like a flood all week and.. Things will never be the same for my friend for us and hopefully the body positive movement.
Here's some links to the story

CBC News



ET Canada


Yahoo Style (Im featured here)



Buzz Feed My favourite article written by one of our very own models and if Buzz Feed wasnt
enough


I totally lost it when we made Huffington Post!!!
Huffington Post (Im featured here)



The articles and media coverage keep pouring in. Enjoying the ride!
Letters and stories and messages keep coming in from around the world. So many personal stories of how people have been so broken by the messages society says about how were supposed to look. I will no doubt be adding to this post.

It was mindblowing at first but after a few days Ive been able to relax a bit..Im thrilled for everyone involved. So many of these models (most of which arent professional models but wanted to do the project)have been working with people, writing, doing photography, educating others and advocating for the marginalized, the misfit, the discriminated against. So much of the good they have been doing has finally come back to them. I know for myself Ive had so many seasons of sorrow. I was due for some joy. Even so my main purpose was to not let others get to the lows Ive been to in my life... I am a healer type. Nothing makes me happier in life than to know I can make someones day better.

Now Im out there, Ive been working at this for so long, encouraging people writing, talking, listening. Sharing my selfies, my joy my smile... The universe said... its time its time!

There's no turning back now.. March Madness seriously! :)