Fear - Poem (Anxiety and Trauma)
I posted this at my yahoo site in 2001
This poem is about my struggle with panic attacks that I had for half of last year and part of this year, didn't know what it was all I knew was I panicked at the thought of going past my front door. Which was not typical of me at all. I was a outdoor, party girl, never home after work having fun with my friends. Im glad to say Im doing a lot better almost 100%. I wouldn't go outside to intense pain after having my son and my ex and I split last September 11th and Jr. was 1 month old. Of course we know what happened that day. The whole thing was traumatic for us all. Having a constant reminder of my break up on the television screen.....I watched CNN for at least a month, only magnified my fears by 10 fold. A creepy coincedence and very bad timing. Im glad to say Im doing a lot better, thanks to so many great friends.
Fear
Again, after years of trying, how could this be?
Don't want to open that door
Lots waiting to hurt me
Again
I can't breathe
Talk, talk, talk myself into taking the next step
Out that door.
This time I can't make it
So angry with me
I loved the outdoors where I could be free
Now fear has trapped me in these 4 walls
Soul dying a miserable death
No interaction with my friends
No smiles or laughter
No warm hugs at church
This is not me
This is not me
How could I let him take that from me?
Monday plans don't get done till Friday not if I have to go outside
Fear is not from my maker so I take a breath and
put my clothes on the bed and get ready to go out
Then I freeze
Someone will hurt me again
History keeps repeating
Pain keeps on coming
Once I go out that door
Im safe in here
No one can reach me
No one can hurt me
Again
This poem is about my struggle with panic attacks that I had for half of last year and part of this year, didn't know what it was all I knew was I panicked at the thought of going past my front door. Which was not typical of me at all. I was a outdoor, party girl, never home after work having fun with my friends. Im glad to say Im doing a lot better almost 100%. I wouldn't go outside to intense pain after having my son and my ex and I split last September 11th and Jr. was 1 month old. Of course we know what happened that day. The whole thing was traumatic for us all. Having a constant reminder of my break up on the television screen.....I watched CNN for at least a month, only magnified my fears by 10 fold. A creepy coincedence and very bad timing. Im glad to say Im doing a lot better, thanks to so many great friends.
Fear
Again, after years of trying, how could this be?
Don't want to open that door
Lots waiting to hurt me
Again
I can't breathe
Talk, talk, talk myself into taking the next step
Out that door.
This time I can't make it
So angry with me
I loved the outdoors where I could be free
Now fear has trapped me in these 4 walls
Soul dying a miserable death
No interaction with my friends
No smiles or laughter
No warm hugs at church
This is not me
This is not me
How could I let him take that from me?
Monday plans don't get done till Friday not if I have to go outside
Fear is not from my maker so I take a breath and
put my clothes on the bed and get ready to go out
Then I freeze
Someone will hurt me again
History keeps repeating
Pain keeps on coming
Once I go out that door
Im safe in here
No one can reach me
No one can hurt me
Again
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