Monster

For those who say oh I have had bad skin or I didnt know Psoriasis was painful isint it just bad skin?
Lend me your ears and ill take you into my world. When I was in hiding and 90% covered and suicidal.
I am so thankful I am free from ...this Monster. (In remission) I'll never be free of the memories. This is for those who suffer in silence. I wont forget you!

This Monster (Psoriasis)
At night awake to quakes
No one's there
I feel something in the air
overtaking me

Not again this will go away
my mantra gets weaker day by day
This wasn't meant for me
Chipping away at my dignity

Tortured awake by muscle aches
unexplained I blame it on age
How can this be
Im no longer me

Suddenly transformed
Unrecognizable reflection
not dead yet buried in my own skin
my room is my resting place

Out of body I witness my own demise
before my eyes
I am no longer here
a mere shell appears

Eyes lose their light
my smile has stage fright
ligaments become encased
memory fragments threatening to be erased

Drifting barely existing
dead yet breathing

Calling reaching crying
digging pulling
flesh falling

Each follicle is alive and livid
it takes its revenge on me
maddening I feel each one has a name
my claws start digging to pull these monsters out

One by one why cant I pass out
mind slips away with no end in sight
visions of sharp objects
I now must fight

Bloddied sheets mixed with turmeric and neem
this is a crime scene
no cameras no witnesses
no justice no mercy
pain so intense
hell fire has been sent

My body screams in earth shattering silence
jumping as if struck by lightening
pulling till my face is not a face
eyebrows erased
years gained overnight
will I have the might

Once perfect skin
now a parched desert land
unforgiving
yet Im still living

What cannot be seen
is internal desolation
painful isolation
a merciless defeat
I stopped believing it could be beat

Bathed in bleach lemon and salty sea
close my eyes
drifts off to oceans free
for some form of relief

I must rise and face reality
of a life under constant attack
unarmed no battle plan
is there any getting back
to what once was me

My sweet viscous lover
a medicated sleep
constantly passing out
passing out mid sentence
while dressing
while barely existing..

Forgetting how to eat
limbs weaker
limping bloodied
stumbling fumbling
everywhere on everything

Like a newborn babe
without the comfort of a mothers touch
without...
compassion
adoration
smiles
acceptance

Nothing but deafening silence with scars on these thinning walls.

This is My Monster.