Be Modest
TW: (abuse sexual harassment assault rape)
Modest be modest? I'm gonna say this for those who say be modest. First of all Ive nothing against modesty.... I've been modest almost all my life and men approached me the exact same way as they do now!! I've been modest and I was abused and assaulted, modesty didn't help me there. I hid and covered myself even more afterwards. Before I got into body positivity... I was not safe even at home, once I got online my inbox, no matter what site I used I had the same messages, day in day out.. requests and expectations that I owed men something because I am a female and I exist for their pleasure. My modesty was seen as challenge to get me to undress.
So for years, I would only take pics from the shoulders and up in fear of being objectified and victimized all over again.. I didn't want that kind of attention. I was prisoner trying to protect myself from roving eyes and jerk remarks. " How big are your tits", "do you have a big ass?" "Let me see you on cam" "Show me more" As I went out about daily activities the cat calls didn't stop, nor did the stares, nor did the grabbing or brushing up against my body. No where was safe for me. Modesty did not stop the flashbacks and it did not stop me from being ashamed of my huge breasts and curvy thighs.
So I withdrew even more, kept myself away from men, blocked messages, stopped making myself available, wore cardigans, large flowy dresses and bulky coats. I didn't want to be seen. It's didn't help. There was no cure from this disease.
You may even think I am overacting you are entitled to your opinion, however I have some suggestions since you are passed that stage of development. I suggestion we teach our boys to treat girls with respect no matter how they present themselves... to treat us as people not as objects , to treat our bodies as beautiful works of art not toys which they can bend break and throw away when they find a shiny new one.
Those who weren't taught to respect women grow up to be entitled men who believe that every women is one msg closer to be willing and able to do their bidding, one kind gesture away from being 'head down ass up', one kiss away from being slapped around. One bouquet of flowers away from putting out.
Still don't agree that modesty isn't the key utopia and mutual respect is? Ask my sisters who cover themselves all the time and still get treated like a piece of meat, abused, raped and slapped around. They are still expected to put out or shut up. Still expected to "shhh don't tell " Still afraid to make eye contact with another male for fear of their lives. Still worry for their daughters and even sons.
I suggest we teach girls that their bodies are beautiful and should be treasured. To teach them that it's ok to say no it's ok to say yes at the right time, but whatever they choose they should be respected. We should teach them that if someone is making them feel less than, that person deserves less space in their lives. I suggest we teach them that their curves or lack of is not a curse. Their beauty starts within and ends without, not the other way around. That pretty isint the standard and doesn't have to be. I suggest we teach them to speak up for themselves and to seek safe spaces. I suggest we teach them to uplift boys and men who respect them and make them feel worthy.
This issues is much deeper than clothes.
We've made skin out to be dirty, nasty and forbidden instead of beautiful, healthy, natural and normal.
Men stop making us feel like a slut when we just want to feel free! Free to walk down the street without our keys in one hand and a lit up cell phone in another....without mace in our purse and a whistle around or neck. Free to celebrate ourselves in all it's beauty. Stop making us feel worthless when we don't comply only to make us feel worse off after we do!
Stop saying we deserved it. Stop saying the alcohol made you do it. Stop saying she wanted it. Stop saying she looks like she wants it.
Women have done everything and anything to accommodate , cover for you, feed your ego, avoid the next punch. Women apologize for your poor behaviour, we give excuses we blame ourselves...we pass it on.
This message is for those who will hear discuss and share. Stop ripping our flower petals apart. Let us heal, let us be free and let us bloom again! Let's start right now.
Modest be modest? I'm gonna say this for those who say be modest. First of all Ive nothing against modesty.... I've been modest almost all my life and men approached me the exact same way as they do now!! I've been modest and I was abused and assaulted, modesty didn't help me there. I hid and covered myself even more afterwards. Before I got into body positivity... I was not safe even at home, once I got online my inbox, no matter what site I used I had the same messages, day in day out.. requests and expectations that I owed men something because I am a female and I exist for their pleasure. My modesty was seen as challenge to get me to undress.
So for years, I would only take pics from the shoulders and up in fear of being objectified and victimized all over again.. I didn't want that kind of attention. I was prisoner trying to protect myself from roving eyes and jerk remarks. " How big are your tits", "do you have a big ass?" "Let me see you on cam" "Show me more" As I went out about daily activities the cat calls didn't stop, nor did the stares, nor did the grabbing or brushing up against my body. No where was safe for me. Modesty did not stop the flashbacks and it did not stop me from being ashamed of my huge breasts and curvy thighs.
So I withdrew even more, kept myself away from men, blocked messages, stopped making myself available, wore cardigans, large flowy dresses and bulky coats. I didn't want to be seen. It's didn't help. There was no cure from this disease.
You may even think I am overacting you are entitled to your opinion, however I have some suggestions since you are passed that stage of development. I suggestion we teach our boys to treat girls with respect no matter how they present themselves... to treat us as people not as objects , to treat our bodies as beautiful works of art not toys which they can bend break and throw away when they find a shiny new one.
Those who weren't taught to respect women grow up to be entitled men who believe that every women is one msg closer to be willing and able to do their bidding, one kind gesture away from being 'head down ass up', one kiss away from being slapped around. One bouquet of flowers away from putting out.
Still don't agree that modesty isn't the key utopia and mutual respect is? Ask my sisters who cover themselves all the time and still get treated like a piece of meat, abused, raped and slapped around. They are still expected to put out or shut up. Still expected to "shhh don't tell " Still afraid to make eye contact with another male for fear of their lives. Still worry for their daughters and even sons.
I suggest we teach girls that their bodies are beautiful and should be treasured. To teach them that it's ok to say no it's ok to say yes at the right time, but whatever they choose they should be respected. We should teach them that if someone is making them feel less than, that person deserves less space in their lives. I suggest we teach them that their curves or lack of is not a curse. Their beauty starts within and ends without, not the other way around. That pretty isint the standard and doesn't have to be. I suggest we teach them to speak up for themselves and to seek safe spaces. I suggest we teach them to uplift boys and men who respect them and make them feel worthy.
This issues is much deeper than clothes.
We've made skin out to be dirty, nasty and forbidden instead of beautiful, healthy, natural and normal.
Men stop making us feel like a slut when we just want to feel free! Free to walk down the street without our keys in one hand and a lit up cell phone in another....without mace in our purse and a whistle around or neck. Free to celebrate ourselves in all it's beauty. Stop making us feel worthless when we don't comply only to make us feel worse off after we do!
Stop saying we deserved it. Stop saying the alcohol made you do it. Stop saying she wanted it. Stop saying she looks like she wants it.
Women have done everything and anything to accommodate , cover for you, feed your ego, avoid the next punch. Women apologize for your poor behaviour, we give excuses we blame ourselves...we pass it on.
This message is for those who will hear discuss and share. Stop ripping our flower petals apart. Let us heal, let us be free and let us bloom again! Let's start right now.
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