Monday, October 17, 2016

Artistic Soul

He made me with these huge brown eyes to see, love and appreciate the beauty around me...Then he created a work of art in me He's showing me that I need to admire the work he has done in my life. He made me an artistic, creative and expressive soul...Now its time to shine!!!!

Monday, September 05, 2016

Bye Bye Summer

Dear Summer,

you were fantastic! You we're all I could have imagined, you were adventure, filled with new sites,  culture, concerts, food, and many new friends. I visited my favourite spot on the boardwalk, a few times! Enjoyed a week away with my boys, a few jumps(swims) in our great Lake Ontario and all this while holding down a full time job. I lived it up, because living it up to me is taking time to soak in life's beauty! I didn't hop on any planes this year...I miss that but I did you proud Summer! You were longer and warmer than any year in my memory and that led to a very happy Cammy!
You wrapped me in happiness and love. Thanks Summer!

Cammydoll  xoxo

Its Labour Day in Canada,  the unofficial end to Summer here and it's sad for me as I thrive on the extra sunshine and Vitamin D that our short Summer is filled with. So now it's time to prepare for battle....Now I'll need to eat even better, get my sun exposure and take my vitamin D daily! Last year was the first in many over 4 years I didn't have S.A.D.( Seasonal Affective Disorder) I'm trying for year 2. :) 

Never apologize for having a good time while you are sad, down, ill, weak, stressed out, or going through difficult times. You have the right to do all you can to keep your spirits up and even to inspire others when things aren't so rosy. Put some joy in your reserve tank. You never know when it will come in handy as you reflect on moment in time.

Im doing my best to make my favourite season last in my heart throughout the whole year and wishing you sunny days!  Heres to Summer all year! Keep the sunshine in!  #letsgo! #armorup #takecare #healthmatters 
#ilu #xoxo

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Feeling Fine...Its a Choice!

 These have been challenging days for many reasons.. my skin has been looking fabulous but inside im not feeling so great!...Get over one hurdle and another one comes.. but I will fight to keep my HAPPY.. I've worked hard to feel better and I'm not going to let this mountain bring me down..I wont lie, its not easy but I have a lot to be grateful for...Searching for my answers.. lots of doctor's appointments coming up and I have a full time job and my family to take care of... Resting will be will be my diet.. I cant play around. As Summer winds down.. more challenging days ahead.. as I thrive in the sun...I will look up above for my source of strength..the my Son Shine.. the Son of God..Ill need him more than ever..
Just out enjoying my day off.. a lovely day..catching some rays!

On the bus selfie! :p

 On the way to work choosing even before I arrive that its going to be a great day! It was! 

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Twisting my Hair

Just a light-hearted little video of me playing with my hair...this process gives me a style I usually wear for a few days. I wash it,  leave my afro out and repeat the process. My hair is totally low maintenance. It's healthy growing bouncy without out the dyes and chemicals I used to use. It's growing way faster than ever and I'm enjoying it.

It looks like this when it's done and with my natutally ombre grey it's even more fun to rock my twists!

Sunday, August 28, 2016


Edges? The term that mainly Black, African American women use when their baby hair isin't laying flat against their head after setting their hair in a style. For some its brushed down and some manner of styling gel is placed there to keep it from flying away. The term "my edges are tight"  or "my edges are layed "comes from that.   Edges isin't an issue for me personally. I wear my hair in its natural state most of the time. Its either in an afro or two strand twists.. That's all I need to be happy with my hair, just straightforward no fuss. I can watch hair styles on the net all day though.  Articles of late, regarding Olympic gold medalist, Gabby Douglas' brutal social media attack on her hair and others, have prompted me to write a post/poem about Black women's obsession with edges and hair in general.
Here goes:




 I'm all edges baby and its fine by me.  Don't test me! You're gonna get hurt on this here sharp HAIR...its called an #AFRO, it comes in countless varieties and its texture can be described as kinks, twists , curls,  naps, coils and bends...darting in and out dazzling the senses..mind body and Soul II Soul blaring out my window...Keep On wait keep it moving!!!! How Forward thinking the Funky Dreads were back in the day! Their Afrocentric flair made it all seem ok to be just ME.The Funky Dreads knew the way the truth and the...Lifestyle of  living with kinks, growing their hair in what was considered to be unconventional hairstyles, dealing with stares, rejection and comments...good or ill.

Why do people choose to live their life.. this way?  Our colonized elders meandered down the Nile in denial of their esoteric aesthetically pleasing locs in all its delightful array...along Golden Coasts.... Mama Africa!!! Heh!!!

Edges...Stop you play too much!...have you forgotten your roots? Fussing bout those edges allowing it to stomp on your pride....your head was held high  a spring in your gait , strong hips, intimidate.. all who gazed upon your lush frame, drenched with kinks sending seismic pangs throughout, hills and plains.

Edges...It's just hair....they say. Why this obsession with hair? We've been told by those in the days of old to .. "Fix that hair!!!"
"yuh poppy show!" " yuh favor likkle pickney with yuh hair a jut out so!!"
...Regressing...reminiscing...getting those edges done with the hot comb before church...wincing  at the scorching heat by my hairlne... Praying ill have at least one ear left to hear Soldier of
Love.....the smell of my tightly coiled burning DNA, perhaps only to be comforted by the chatter of the Mamas at the salon .... All with kinks embedded in their melanin core.
....flipping through Mama's collection of glossy Bible stories...relating to images of Lot's wife yearning for the good life, that good fruit, That GOOD HAIR,  though it always puzzling me. I liked my own hair growing at the root and why did I have to kill it? The sadistic process of burning, tingling, waiting and touching my dissolving thickness till... my beautiful waves were all gone.
Don't look now you'll turn to a pillar of salt!!!

Edges...*flashback* catching my breath now sitting on a hard church pink foam roller set airborne and rising....looking like cotton candy...Shame flushes over me.. "it is finished!" Head hung low refusing to make eye contact with that cute boy across the hall Ive been crushing on since birth.

Edges...It's NOT presentable!..panic stricken..sifting through the collection of Yaki 1,2,3XYZ in search of On fleek!!!.....pressured cooked and pasted down to perfection to appease the masses...the masses "Yes Massa...." Frantically reaching for you head covering ..covering.. covering ...hips sway to an invisible drum.... Mama Africa!! What was once a source of pride has become a burden ... Hair wasn't covered to hide our beauty but to enhance and dress it up for fetes , ceremonies and celebrations. Across the great divide our pride had to be broken, piece by piece  Used against us so we would then turn against each other... Fed lies "its ugly", "its nappy" "its dirty" "it shouldn't be seen" "cover that up!", "how dare you go out like that?  *drumming faster* "Now we do the same... "How dare wear your afro to work, cornrows at school, beads to daycare, locs on the beat..." Drowning ourselves in self hate.

Yet one little stray coil Wading through the Waters...


Once our ancestors laughing, dancing, rejoicing with wiry bent strands which now transcend through our thick skulls... What have we done???
While we kill it so we can Kill it!!!! ...No, you're killing with the edges you have Layed!! *drums beating* Killing it when you don't allow yourselves to mentor a Sister who needs a kind word and upliftment. ..which will allow her natural beauty to flow free, her achievements given honour to and value placed beyond her exterior. We are more important than just a 'bad hair day'.

Have we progressed through this process to where kinks flowing free is considered a mess and now our EDGES repressed is a measure of success?!?

Edges...How Dare We Be Who We Are?????
Mama Africa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*drumming stops*
We are adorned with glorious crowns which give praise through the UV rays directly to our Maker...singing to the treetops, reverberating to the mountaintops.... Non-stop...

Thank you Mama Africa!!
Thank you for my edges!

August 28, 2016
Gail Jordan (Cammydoll)

Thursday, August 25, 2016

This is the face...

This is the face of chronic pain, autoimmune conditions and invisible illness... Its the face in a crowd. 
When you're not watching us, we are hurting, sleepless, aching, itching, fighting, screaming, crying, limping, researching, self medicating(and many more descriptive words which ill add later) on... lemon juice, turmeric, nuts, berries, fancy salts, workouts, fads, fruits, veggies, organic products, overpriced water and everything under the sun to make ourselves feel...alive. We're infusing and purifying our environment, with oils, aroma, ions. Were downing, chlorophyll, magnesium,  vitamin C..XYZ.. sleeping on fancy pillows and mattresses, testing experiment therapie$....Alkaline, ionized charcoal, tar, ointments, eucalyptus, coconut, topical treatments, syringes, drips are part of everyday language. Our bathrooms are filled with bandages, blood, hair, skin flakes, chunks of skin, scales. Our beds, and clothing are soaked with concoctions, prescribed and DIY from watching countless youtube videos and scanning support groups.  

 We're bombarded with trial offers, oils, diet plans and quick fixes almost daily by well meaning friends and family and unsolicited emails. 
We don't want to bother you with how we really feel.... because were 'whining', 'attention seeking', or 'making things up'...

When were asked how were doing were "Ok"  "Fine,  or "Doing great!" because were are tired of being shot down, tired of being talked down to, tired of fighting, and spending a fortune just to feel 'normal again' We know the 'Why don't they just get over it?' look all too well. We are mocked, ridiculed, belittled and not believed by the medical community until there is hard measurable evidence. Yet we continue on sometimes barely... Often forced to hide like a hermit,  internalize our pain, and how bad it really can be because after all life goes on and someone always has it worse than us

Perspective.... *sighs*

Next time you see a smiling face... Think about the effort it may have taken them to smile at you and send some goodness back.You never know whats behind a bright and shiny smile.. I hope you take a moment to think about that person next to you. If that person is you, as much as you may feel alone and isolated in this world, there are others just like you, just wishing they are believed and their pain is validated.  Your pain is real.
Happiness is a choice...and to many, it's a choice we make... once we walk out that door..if we are fortunate enough to get that far.

To the warriors out there I salute you, I stand for you. As I continue to search for my own answers.... The battle wages on, keep your armor up!!

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Imperfectly Perfect by God's Design

Feeling not so perfect?  Been put because of how you look? You aren't alone and the problem isint you, its the perception of beauty we have been fed all our lives...the perception that we have to fit into an unrealistic standard of beauty that only few will ever achieve, not only that they will achieve it for a limited amount of time, unless aided by cosmetic procedures.

We werent meant to be perfect by society's standards. We are meant to shine as individuals. No one in the world is exactly like you.. even if you are a multiple there will be differences. Ive always had an affinity for those who are different, act different and look different. I much rather striking then the norm, but thats just me.

The other day, something as simple as a friend, touching my arm and asking  "Why is your skin so soft!?!" drew me deeper in gratitude for my maker. My friend didn't know she was speaking into my life....

 If you knew how God healed my broken body and spirit... During my battle with autoimmune illness and Psoriasis (which isin't just bad skin by the way, its affects the inside of the body as well as the outside.. what you don't see is the persons discomfort, aches and pain) I couldn't sleep or relax for barely a moment: duration 3 years straight, suddenly out of the blue. I never had a skin problem in my entire life before this! My skin was what some may call perfect, but I always had it and took it for granted.
They say there is no testimony without a test! That was only part of mine."We have this treasure in jars of clay..." is my favourite Bible verse and is tattooed on my upper back. Since it's not always visible, God gave me an outward sign, my hair, a sign in which, I can't ever run from or deny anymore. Through my ordeal I've became hypersensitive to specific foreign substances on my body, but especially on my scalp. Ive been advised to by the medical profession to abstain from hair dyes. I refuse to dye my hair any longer, please don't give me any solutions or natural remedies, I love my hair!! Not realizing the God given pattern or stripe covered all these years, It was blatantly apparent when I was forced to cease the use of dyes. It was split exactly down the middle, black and white hair!! I firmly believe because of the trauma I underwent the stripe became more intense. Where it's brightest is where I had the most suffering. So when others see it', it's something that makes them, stare, question, wonder and call it a miracle. Some say I'm touched by an angel... but to me it's a reminder of all Ive been through and my deliverance. I know that God is with me, was always with me in my isolation the tears, pain and has carried me though to this peaceful season. Not only did I heal on my scalp and total body but Ive healed in my spirit. So this skin which now appears perfect and baby soft is only token of what has happened to me on the inside. This jar of clay is only temporary... the soul is eternal! My joy comes from the Lord!
I am hoping that you who are feeling down and like a misfit will cast your doubts aside and learn to embrace all that you are, you are impefectly perfect...remember that.. There's no one like you because there is no one meant to be you, but you.


 Imperfectly perfect by God's Design.